I am turning 35 this year. I have three children. I spend most of my days wiping bums, dishes, and crayon off the wall. I look at myself and I see huge bags under my eyes, wrinkles and a few gray hairs peeping their mocking little glow out. I knew I would get old, but I thought I had more time.
I’m not starting a blog to rant about getting old or to tell funny little anecdotes about my children, although I may do both of those. I am starting a blog because I want to feel like I have a voice again. No one may read it besides my husband because I make him, but at least I may feel that I was able to express myself.
My life used to be a lot more exciting, adventurous, and about me. Now my life may seem exciting to people who know I live in Turkey, but really it’s still just life. And it’s definitely not about me. It’s about the people I love. Now that may sound mature and giving, but it sometimes seems I don’t actually have a choice. For someone as independent and selfish as myself, that often presents a problem for that little voice in my head.
That’s where this blog comes in. No matter who we are or where we are in life, we struggle. I love the verse in Ezekiel where the Lord says he has removed our heart of stone and given us a heart of flesh. I used to have a heart of stone. Those of you who knew me a few years ago will quickly agree. But I don’t anymore. So now, here I am, living with this heart of flesh. And it’s hard. But I can say with everything in me that I don’t want to go back to a heart of stone.
So this is going to be a little window to my soul. Some days it may be ugly. Some days it may be passionate. And some days it may be very mundane. But it will be my exercise in keeping my heart alive.
I have high hopes for my blog, but I can’t guarantee anything. I don’t know how often I’ll write or what in the world I’m going to write about. I just know I want to write again.